Frank Talk

I do love candor.  And so I kind of love this post on Jezebel, where the writer declaims about “boobernecking,” body smells and other truly unglamorous realities of living in a post-baby body.


I truly find the whole gnarly reality of having a baby — taffy boobs, hot vag, and all — inspiring.  But it’s far from the plucked, smooth, odorless tautness of the celebs in the Us Weekly you read during a pedicure.  And that can be a shock.

It’s temporary, it’s a learning experience and if you can talk about it candidly, it’s kind of hilarious.  

But a couple points.  

1.  Ms. Moore says:

You will practically be in diapers.

Google the size of the pad you will wear after vaginal birth. It’s bigger than a catcher’s chest armor. Friends, nurse-friends and anyone who’s ever been pregnant: Why didn’t you tell me?!?!? Why doesn’t anyone tell anyone?!?

Well, if you’d taken my childbirth class, I’d have told you!  About all these things, actually.  I describe those pads as “saddle sized” and then act out the way getting into one is like mounting a horse.  Childbirth education classes, properly done, do have many practical benefits.   

(By the way, if you’re still pregnant, you should also know that you just can’t buy the huge pads in stores.  If you’re giving birth in a hospital, though, you can take the entire stock of saddle-pads in your hospital room.  Take the disposable underwear, too.  That’s what your health insurance premiums pay for.  Plus, there’s really nothing that says photo op like you saddled up on a giant maxi pad held in place by mesh disposable underwear, with cabbage leaves on your engorged boobies. A cowboy hat completes the look.  Try not to accidentally tweet the pic, though; some things are to share with your partner only. 

2.  There is a book that talks about all this stuff, candidly and with humor, and it’s called From The Hips, by Rebecca Odes and Ceridwen Morris, and it’s awesome.  There is absolutely no reason anyone ever needs to buy the loathsome and fear-mongering book whose cover is parodied above.

Full article here.